Friends · Life

Maybe I Want To Do What Bunnies Do With You If You Know What I Mean

I have been meaning to blog all (last) week. Different little random and funny things have happened to me and around me lately. Unfortunately,  I get home from work and my tired little fingers don’t even want to open my Mac (I think they are still a little shy of its sexiness). It’s funny how sometimes the last thing you want when you get home from work is your computer because you just spent 8+ hours with it. Like most of my love affairs, it too is sordid (I feel so Golden Age era and sexy using the words love affair and sordid. I can only imagine how attracted you are to me right now). I look at it, it calls my name. Part of me wants it, part of me does not. It’s almost like the world that I know will cease to exist if I shun technology for those few precious hours I am alone in my apartment. Basically, I was too lazy to write…not like anyone was getting ready to slit their wrists if I didn’t post something asap, but I like to think writing this right now has saved a few lives. They don’t call me Nicole “Life-Saver” Rashotte for nothing.* Someone did tell me once that my blog was like heroin – Jealous?**

Annnnnyway, my week was basically this:
Was sick
Met some new people
Sweat like an 800 pound trucker walking home from work almost every evening (again, if you need to take a “she’s too sexy” break I won’t be offended as long as you come…back).
Bought a new pair of boat shoes
Became a co-organizer of a woman’s coding (python) group
Visited my hometown
Went on a solo hike
Took a shit-ton of pictures
Went golfing with my dad
Was disowned by my dad
Went out with high school friends
Met and got hit on by a younger guy
Met and got hit on by a guy playing guitar on a street corner
Called younger guy a twink numerous times to my friends and then realized that it means a younger gay man…not a younger guy that you find yummy like a twinkie because he is cute. Anyone could make that mistake!
Got text from younger guy
Remembered I gave my number to younger guy
Got text from homeless guy
Wondered where homeless guy got my number from…and a phone…
Watched a 12-year-old looking 22-year-old win the U.S Open
Traveled back into the City
Continued witty banter via text with my heterosexual “twink” for a few hours
There was also eating, drinking, sleeping, laughing, sitting, standing and kneeling throughout as well. I lied. There was no kneeling.
Let’s look at the highlights shall we. So, I met up with my friends Aly, Kelly, Alex, Adam and Craig for a few drinks (well they were being typical alcoholics and downing shots while I sipped on beer. You’re welcome liver). We had your typical “remember that time in high school” laughs, then, newly-single Craig went on a vagina hunt, Alex made her move on a table of “heterosexual twinks” (which is probably what drew my twink’s attention to me), the only couple at the table started fighting and I remembered why I like being single. I must admit that this younger guy came up in conversation before he came over to talk to me. Unfortunately, it was because Alyson was trying to remember if it was him or his brother (who was also there) that dated her younger sister. Turns out it was both. Also turns out that it’s not the first time that I have attracted her sister’s left overs. Actually, that is a horrible word – the other guy I am referring to is probably one of the most awesome guys I know. Just delete the word leftover from your head. Anyways, since my friend and I were discussing  these guys I had already noticed that he was preeetttty cute and then I caught him looking at me. And then I caught him looking at me again. And then I thought to myself “Yep. I still got it”. And then my friend tapped my ex-boyfriend-who-just-had-a-kid’s brother, pointed to me and said “Remember her?” She must know my love of awkward encounters. I could tell he had been drinking just enough to allow him to speak more words to me in one night then he did the entire 2.5 years I dated his brother. He was a super shy kid though, so I will give him that. He asked me if I had met Jim (the ex’s son). I told him “Yeah, I was in the delivery room when he was born”. Of course I have not met his son, I haven’t even seen the ex in over a year why would I meet his son? If you are reading this Alyson, I still hate you for that whole moment in time.
Naturally, the end of the night came (the end of my night….I am still an 80-year-old inside after all) and whatyaknow, younger guy happened to be standing there as I was awkwardly trying not to be standing beside my friend and her boyfriend as their mixture of alcohol and jealousy got the best of them. It was a cute boy to the rescue kind of moment (I love when my life even vaguely resembles a movie). So, he stopped me and said “I’ve been wanting to come over to you all night but was too nervous to with all of your friends around” My mind instantly went to “I wonder how many times he has used that one?” So jaded. I had consumed just enough alcohol to not really care if he was using lines or not. After my experience with the last guy I was attracted to, it  was nice to remember what it felt like to have a guy put in any energy or effort to know me…even if it was for 20 minutes. As we chatted I thought to myself “I will probably end up liking this guy because it won’t go anywhere” because for whatever reason, I only find myself into guys I know it will not work out with. Seriously. My friends have even pointed it out to me. I like what I can’t have or what I know, in the pit of my stomach, won’t last. That’s why I have decided to say C’est La Vie and start Livin’ La Vida Loca. I am REALLY not looking for what will or won’t work right now. I just want to have fun, which is why I am going to go on a date with the homeless guy I also met on Friday night. He said he wasn’t homeless and just played guitar on the street because he just loves music so much and I believe him. Sure, he mentioned getting fired from his teaching job for acting inappropriately with students and yes, he may have been in his 40’s but there is also a chance that he was in his late 20’s but all of the alcohol and drug abuse that he clearly subjected himself to just aged his face a decade or two. These are all things I will figure out on the date. He did tell me that he had a lot of money and again, I believe him. You know, I think I am finally starting to find the right kind of guy to spend my time with…
*No one calls me that
** They actually said “you make me want to take heroin”…but I knew what they meant. I love you too mom!
Title: You and I – By: Ingrid Michaelson

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