I bought a pregnancy test for a friend today. Now, I know what you are thinking and I totally agree with you – I am an amazing friend. You are also probably thinking “that’s awkward”. Unfortunately, I was too concerned for my freaked-out friend to think about how truly awkward it is to purchase one of those things. I left my friend at my place and walked over to my local Shoppers. I headed towards the area that seems to cover all things below the belt. My eyes wandered past the Midol and the Vagisil (which I suddenly wished I was purchasing – the lesser of two embarrassments in the grand scheme of things). My eyes actually wandered right past the item that was needed and landed on the condom section. Had it gotten bigger? The packaging was so eye catching. There were neon colours and sparkles – don’t let anyone ever tell you that condoms are solely for the penis. Sure, that’s what they go on but clearly there is a lot of thought put into what they are going in. Pretty sure I saw one that may or may not mimic a disco party with the lights down. Very distracting. As a relatively creepy looking dude rounded the corner and began to stare at me staring at the condoms I thought it was a good time to scare him off by shifting my body towards the pregnancy tests and saying “so many choices” to myself. This tactic didn’t really work. Clearly he was looking to be somebody’s baby daddy…and appreciated a good disco show while getting down to business.
Anyways, it was back to why I went there in the first place – to get this fairly expensive pee stick so that my friend would know if she was a preggo eggo or not. I picked one that I had seen on TV (she said money wasn’t an issue) and immediately felt the need to try and conceal what was in my hands, like the first time I bought myself tampons. I don’t know why I felt so shy about it – it wasn’t even for me after all. As I got closer to the counter I let out a small sigh of relief when I realized that it was the extremely spacey cashier that never seemed to be able to ever make eye contact with me. Perfect. No eye contact would be a treat. I took one last “precaution” before heading to the check out and switched a silver ring that I wear on my right hand to my left. If you didn’t stare to at it too harshly, it could pass for an engagement ring. If I was going to be fake potentially knocked-up, I was going to be fake in a serious relationship.
Turns out that the spacey cashier wasn’t as out of it as she seemed. Although she still did not manage to look directly into my eyes, she placed the test in the middle of all my other purchases so that it would be unseen in the see-through bag as I walked the five minutes back to my house.
As I left the store I asked myself why I felt so uncomfortable making that purchase. Why did I care what any of those strangers thought of me? Let’s be honest, the majority of people my age are having sex and realistically something like that could happen to anyone. Stigma is such a tricky fickle bitch.
For the record my friend will not be eating for two…well actually she will probably keep doing that but it will not be because she has a mini-her on the way.
Title: Careful – By: Michelle Featherstone