Comedy · Life · Pop Culture Ramblings

All I Want For Christmas Is….

No, not you. Sorry, maybe next year. What I really want are things like money, power, even more beauty and quite possibly a zigga zag ah.

The following is my grown up Christmas list:

1. My parents to win the lottery. See, I am not a selfish bitch, my parents are the first people on my Christmas list. Sure, I would benefit in a huge way from them being loaded and sure it will ease the blow of their deaths when I claim half their fortune down the road but this one is not for me, it’s for them. Love you guys.

2. Extra-loud pocket change. Let’s be honest, the only people who could be jealous of me at this point in my life are the homeless.

3. Visit the people who live above me and go all Sleeping Beauty on their asses. I have already done half of your job by pre-poisoning some apples. I sprung for golden delicious so you are going to have to reimburse me. We can figure out the whole kiss from a prince thing later. How do you feel about dressing up as a prince and having to kiss more than one dude? Like I said, we can sort it out later.

4.When I drink a Red Bull, I want the damn wings.

5. Taylor Swift to stop smiling so much…it freaks me out.

6. To meet someone rich, funny and good looking…also rich.

7. Abs, without working out. I have it on good authority that you have done this for Janet Jackson on more than one occasion.

8. Go overboard on Tyra Banks’ botox. The day she stops being able to make all of those facial expressions is the day my nightmares end.

9. Daniel Tosh. Jason Segel. Ian Somerhalder. Hugh Dancy. Neil Patrick Harris. Joseph Gordon Leviett. Phil from Modern Family and Carrot Top (I am as curious as shit what that would be like….I’m sick).

10. Psychiatric help.

11. For cats to learn another instrument other than the keyboard.

12. My own personal mute button to use on whomever annoys me (and since most people do, it’s best to put some energizer batteries in that bad boy)

13. World peace.

And Santa, if you can only get to 1 – 12 I will understand.




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