If I Were Honest About The Things I Could Not Live Without

The other day I was reading a magazine and it was being all inspirational (in an article placed next to a clothing ad that I believe was trying to inspire woman to never eat again) and among some of the nausea-inducing advice it was giving, one of the suggestions was to a write a list of things you could not live without out and tuck it away somewhere private. By tuck it away somewhere private, I assume they meant post it on your blog, so here is a brutally honest take on a list of things I cannot live without.

Alcohol (typically of the beer and red wine variety)
Take out
Pills designed specifically for PMS (for those months where the cramps make me contemplate ripping out my uterus/ovaries and selling them on the black market and when my emotions cause me to turn old toothbrushes into shanks, because, you never know)
Gravol (because Gravol is easier to get than sleeping pills)
Electronics (phone, lap top, television, vibrating toothbrush….and that other vibrating object that I do not keep in my bathroom…)
Aveeno Face Wipes (for when washing my face just seems like too much effort)
Dry Shampoo (for when washing my hair just seems like too much effort – although I will pass this one off by saying “I don’t want to wash my hair every day because it makes it dry”)
Hair Dye (because this bitch CANNOT stick to a colour for longer than two months)
Hair Mask (to maintain nice hair through all my dying)
Vitamins (when I am too lazy to eat fruits and vegetables)
Push up bra (I hate the saying “if you got ’em, flaunt ’em. How about, if you don’t really got ’em go into Victoria Secret, buy ’em and then Flaunt ’em)
Friends & Family (to keep me sane & drive me crazy….often simultaneously)
A TV lineup that I can rely on from Sunday to Thursday
Dateline/48 Hours (in particular those marathons that TLC runs. Nothing says let’s get pumped up on a Saturday evening then a marathon of people getting brutally murdered)
Mascara and lip balm/gloss/stick (If I had to banish all other types of makeup and just wear mascara and something on my lips I would genuinely be all right with that)
Sarcasm/Self deprecating humour (I seriously question how anyone gets through life without it)
A boy in my life to make me crazy
Bangs (every time I try and grow them out I just fall right back into the arms of a pair of scissors. I know bangs aren’t for everyone, but it has gotten to the point where I can’t imagine my face without them)
Pop (it’s a scary addiction)
Kissing, Cuddling and everything else those things lead to
Gain detergent (there is nothing and I mean nothing that smells as good as that shit)
Scented candles
Shopping when I feel happy or depressed
My “reformed hippie” therapist
Narcissistically writing about myself


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