I’m not going to lie. I can’t say that I was in love with Days 3-4. On Saturday evening, there was a point when I began to think that maybe my mind was unchangeable. Perhaps, I couldn’t focus enough on what I was reading because I was too busy dwelling on what I was feeling. Sometimes it feels like I have a laundry list of things that are on my mind and stopping me from feeling happy. I am consistently trying to think of all the amazing things I have and block out the few hurdles that are set before me. On Friday, I took those blocks down and let everything that I had been trying to keep at bay consume me. When I got home from a friend’s birthday party Friday night, I was in no mood for meditating. Thankfully, the book read my mind and it did not call for it that evening. As sad as it sounds, I wanted to sit there and just reflect on everything that was causing any kind of grief in my life. I let it all in and let it all out (in the form of some crocodile tears). A funny thing happened as I sat there sifting mascara out of my eyes. I started to have an internal conversation with myself over why certain things were happening/ had happened. This was kind of new for me. In the past, I would get drunk, feel sorry for myself, cry, eat some chocolate and then get over it (in the sense of not letting it bother me for the rest of the night). This time, I pushed past the feeling sorry for myself and started to think of how everything happens for a reason and how I was determined to come out the other side of this a better and happier person. Sometimes we need things in our life that push us and often times those things feel horrible when you are in the moment. If we can’t see beyond the bad, we can never welcome the good. I am not saying that I live by this 24/7 (if I did I wouldn’t need to be reading this book). I have many times where I convince myself that it actually feels worse to try and be positive. Sometimes when I am in the thick of something “bad” and someone tries to get me to see the positives, the only thing that puts an internal smile on my face is envisioning me shanking them. Let’s just say I’m a work in progress.
Ok, so let’s step back from what is sure to be my eventual murder rap and continue with Day 3 of the book.
“Love did not create this”
This is actually a pretty important thing to keep in mind. If you are going to let in the positive vibes, you have to remind yourself that all of the negative thoughts are coming from a place that can be overturned or replaced. The only assignment for the day was to write yourself a letter, sign it and then put it in a spot in your place that you tend frequent a lot throughout the day. Naturally, I stuck mine on the front of my fridge. The letter goes a little something like this:
Dear Inner Guide,
I am committed to transforming my fears to love. I will open my heart and mind to love and I will let my intuition guide me. I welcome all the spiritual assignments that may come and I am ready, willing and able to smother my fears with the light of love. I choose to see love instead of fear.
Day 4 is all about gratitude. I like the idea of gratitude because it forces you to think about all the good things in your life which kind of makes you realize what a kick in the ass you need for constantly ignoring those aspects. like day 1 and 2, readers are instructed to make a list. This time, I am to list the top 10 things that I am grateful for….so here goes nothing.
- Great Parents and a strong relationship with them
- Good friends
- Making good money for my age
- My health
- A roof over my head
- Being attractive
- An education
- Creative skills
- Sense of humour
- Living in Toronto
Ok, so those may have been the first 10 things that came to my head, but they are things to be grateful for nonetheless. Anyways, after writing out some things I am grateful for, I am instructed to go back to day one, look at the “fears” that I wrote down and then address the ways in which they could be seen as positives. I am not quite ready to share those yet (I mean one of my fears is being vulnerable afterall). So that is day 3 – 4. Learning to recognize the things that fear and negativity have caused while appreciating the things that love and positivity have allowed to flourish. Day 5 is on forgiveness….that should be a good one. I have a tendency to forgive others far too easily while often times holding myself on the hook in their place.
Now I am off the watch the final episode in the 4th season of Arrested Development. I was thinking how quickly 15 episodes go by but then I realized it was 9:30pm and I clearly need to get a life. Jokes. Is there anything better than sitting in your pj’s, eating a late-night dinner and watching copious amounts of a great show? Probably.
Day 5 Affirmation: I forgive myself for choosing fear. Today I choose love instead.