Yes, Daniel Powter, I did have a bad day.
I will spare you the details of my day at work and get right to the good stuff. By 5pm, I was looking forward to getting together with a good friend for a drink or two and some good convo. Being the perv that I am, I asked if she was going to meet up with her bf afterwards for some sexual intercourse. Her reply?
“Maybe, but we are meeting his mom at 7:30, so maybe not”
I’m sorry. You are meeting him at 7:30? Please tell me his mom gets up freakishly early and you is referring to AM.
Not so much.
Please note, the time was almost 6:00pm and I hadn’t even left the office yet. Since she would have to leave our meetup at 7:00, that left us with roughly 45 glorious minutes of catching up. It kind of reminded me of the time this guy I had been on a few dates with messaged me one day and asked to hang out. He was cute, so naturally I said “Sure”. He followed up my response with “Maybe we could do an after work, before dinner thing.” Romance and chivalry are not dead after all. To his credit, that was probably the nicest way I had ever been asked “Can we just screw instead of do this whole dating thing?” I mean, at least he called it a hang. That comes in handy if my friends were to ask what I got up to between the hours of 5:00 and 6:00. I could say “Just hung out with Ronald” and it wouldn’t be a lie. Don’t ask why I chose to call this guy Ronald in this scenario. I would never date someone named Ronald, unless his last name was McDonald.
After leaving the office with the same shame as a Bachelor contestant who is left standing without a rose, I ventured to the comforts of my home. Unfortunately, it was raining balls out and getting a cab was next to impossible. Thankfully I had a really shitty umbrella in my purse and decided to two feet and a heart beat it home. Now, I’m the kind of person who has always wanted a “movie moment” to happen to me. You know, becoming a prostitute so that young Richard Gere could fall in love with me or suddenly realizing that the chubby stoner with no direction in life was the love of my life because we created a spawn together. Well my friends, I got my movie moment today. A fairly classic scene actually. A girl is walking along a street, when out of nowhere a cute boy tells her that she has dropped something and 20 minutes later they are falling in love at a coffee shop. Oh wait, it was actually the scene where a girl is having a shitty day and a car speeds by, splashing her with a shower of mud. At least my blazer had white in it. That should be easy to get out, right?
Could it get any worse?
A Few minutes later, the wind crippled my umbrella. Thank God I had taken the time to straighten my hair in the morning and that every guy on the street seemed to be straight out of a GQ magazine while I looked like a drowned rat. With half my body drenched and an inside-out umbrella in my hand, I began to laugh. I saw people looking at me, probably wondering how I could be getting joy out of being doused in muddy water. Sometimes, when things feel so spectacularly horrible, I can’t help but laugh. It makes me feel like I am in on the cruel joke that the Universe is having on me that day. Let’s be honest, in most cases, things can always be worse, and sometimes you need to feel an insane joyous satisfaction in your own series of unfortunate events.