Life · Writing

Diary of the Unemployed: Day 3

Day 3 aka Turkey Day (or Thanksgiving if you want to be PC about it). Oddly enough, I did not have any turkey. We celebrated the occasion at my uncle’s place, and he made…..lasagna. Don’t get me wrong, it was a great lasagna … but it’s Thanksgiving! I only have turkey during the holidays. Also, I just lost my job. Like…bitch, please. Are you serious that we are giving up turkey and stuffing and potatoes for lasagna?!? Three foods versus one. I just….I can’t…ugh. To make up for the lack of turkey, I indulged in a lot of pie. I am not even a big pie person unless it’s pumpkin. Thankfully, my uncle got one thing right when he supplied not one, but two kinds of pumpkin pie. Obviously, I had to sample them both….underneath a mountain of whipped cream and then washed it all down with apple crisp. I think it is safe to say that I am going to go back to Toronto a solid five pounds heavier. Thank God for unemployment and the lack of food that will most likely come with it (I figure if I want to maintain drinking alcohol, I will have to switch from eating every day to eating every other day. You win some, you lose some….right). There is not much more to report on in terms of day 3. It was your typical family get together. Food, laughs, beer….lots of beer. Bosco made a couple new friends. Actually, all the people and other dogs completely tuckered him out. It was kind of nice. As much as I love my little pup, he pretty much NEVER stops moving….and I am a single parent. It’s pretty adorable how much he loves me and how much attention he asks for (literally the only man I could ever give as much attention to as I do him) but momma needs to sit her ass down and watch her TV shows in peace. Bosco pulls the “I’m a dick” card enough with waking me up at least 3 times per night, so I figure he owes me some peace and quiet while I explore Netflix.

Oh WAIT! I do have something exciting to report!! It seems as though I have finally developed adult acne! Jealous? My face is all like “Bitch – we are 28 next week! You know what you need? You need a reminder of your youth! I mean, I could give you your fast metabolism, perfectly round ass or silky long blond hair….but I think you are at a time in your life where acne would really work for you.” I may or may not have a mental breakdown before even reaching 28.

Tomorrow I begin my hardcore job search. This will probably result in me checking Facebook/LinkedIn to remind myself of how everyone else seems to have better lives than I do, which will result in forcing my pup to cuddle with me while I lie in the fetal position as he tries to wiggle free. God I love Tuesdays.


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