Day 15 of being unemployed, as told through an interview with my dog, Bosco.
Bosco: How is Day 15 going? You look a little tired.
Nicole: I am a little tired, but you should know that because you are the dick who got me up at 6am
Bosco: Perhaps you may want to try eradicating listening to Birdy’s Without a Word while sobbing over your glass of beer/wine/vodka until 3am from your extracurricular activities.
Nicole: Who taught you the word eradicating?
Bosco: Certainly not you. How does the job hunt look today?
Nicole: Pretty bleak, but thanks for asking…
Bosco: Oh, this is me showing concern for myself. Those pee pads that you purchased from the dollar store the other day are dog shit. Trust me on this, I am an expert in that area.
Nicole: Sorry, I am trying to conserve what little money I have. If I didn’t, both of us would be up shits creek without a paddle.
Bosco: I am a dog – that sounds delightful. Now that you have walked me and taken the mental note that it counts as exercise, what are your plans for the rest of the day?
Nicole: Keep looking for jobs and brainstorming article ideas. Then I will probably take you for another walk because I know how much you hate them and you are being a real dick today.
Bosco: I never understood the negative connotation with a dick. I have one and could literally keep my face berried in it for hours if you’d let me.
Nicole: I know and it’s gross…which reminds me, I should give you a bath today.
Bosco: F*ck you.
Nicole: That’s not nice.
Bosco: Neither is you singing a song you only know 10 words to over and over again, but I have to put up with that. Speaking of things that aren’t nice, why are your pants always off?
Nicole: Same reason you don’t ever have any on
Bosco: Easy access to your privates?
Nicole: I just threw up in my mouth a little…
Bosco: I do that every other day – suck it up. Anyway, we should probably wrap this interview up. I have some poop for you and it’s almost time for your 2pm, alcoholic pick-me-up.
About the Author:
Bosco is a 5 month old male, who generally enjoys being a dick. A cute and cuddly dick.
Some of Bosco’s hobbies include; eating, running from one end of the apartment to the other for no reason, watching his owner clean his poop, ignoring his toys and biting people’s finger instead, peeing just beside the pee pad, sitting down when his owner is trying to walk him, falling asleep on his owners feet because he knows she hates it, licking his genitalia, and terrorizing other dogs just because he can.