Comedy · Life · Writing

Diary of the Unemployed: Day 16

“Dear Nicole Rashotte,

Thank you for you application for the position of a job you could do in your sleep that realistically required you to have just enough brain cells to operate Microsoft Word, but for some reason we require you have a Masters degree or 5+ years experience Coordinator. Unfortunately, after reviewing your application, we do not believe that your qualifications adequately match those needed for this position, at this time. We encourage you to check back for other employment opportunities that may become available in the future.

Sincerely,

Someone in HR who is hungover and thinking about what sexy animal they are going to be for Halloween tomorrow”

This is what I hear:

We think very highly of ourselves and would like someone who is overqualified to take on the brunt of responsibilities for the least amount of pay. Please continue to apply for jobs – and we will continue to reject said applications. BUT! Perhaps you will qualify for one of our internships. You can’t put a price on experience! Besides, you don’t REALLY need to eat and pay rent, do you? It’s called living within your means. Blah, blah, blah. Go drink some beer and get really comfortable with how long this unemployment phase is going to last for you.

Then, as I sit here, I get the news that my ex-coworker’s mom passed away after a long battle with cancer, and suddenly being unemployed seems relatively insignificant. I would take my mom over employment any day.
It’s also funny how the place I worked at reaches out to me, because while said coworker is out and dealing with a loss, they need to understand how day-to-day operations were handled. Little things they probably never thought of until there was no one there to take care of them. If I were a lesser human being I would tell them to kick rocks.

Adequately illustrates how I feel today....and I'm wearing sunglasses because this is an old photo I took when I was holding my friend Alexander's sunglasses hostage.
Adequately illustrates how I feel today….and I’m wearing sunglasses because this is an old photo I took when I was holding my friend Alexander’s sunglasses hostage.
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