I am sitting here with my pooch, watching The Doctors. I am 95% sure that I have melanoma, MS and PTS. There is still 20 minutes left, so I could very well be declared dead any second now.
So, in the last couple days my Mac battery died ($100 and 3 days later….) and then when I finally replaced it, my charger died. Another $60 and the potential for an entire week before it is delivered. I am actually working on 6% battery – I am basically Keanu Reeves in Speed. I recently (as in yesterday) ended this casual thing I have been caught up in for about 6+ months now. I mean, it was a long time coming, and I will be fine (because for once I actually did something that was in my best interest. Mind.Blown) but it is just another thing to add to the ever-rising shit pile that is currently my life. Things could be worse, so I am not even going to go down that “Hi, my name is Nicole and I am enraged at the world like an emo 15-year old” road (plus, I already unloaded that on my friends this morning and I feel MUCH better. Thanks friends. You know who you are and I love you!) As much as life is kicking my cute little ass right now, I am looking forward to fighting my way back up. Aside from a real catastrophe, like someone close to me dying or developing any of the diseases listed above, things CANNOT get any worse. So, this is my personal rock bottom. There is something freeing about being at the bottom, because there is only one way to go….and that my friends is up. I am at a point in my life where I can change everything. What I do as a profession, the kind of people I want in my life, what I want a romantic relationship to look like, how I take care of my mind and body, where I live. I always say how much I love Toronto and how I couldn’t see myself living anywhere else….but yesterday, I got to thinking, what if I did? Maybe things in my life haven’t been working out for a very good reason and maybe the answer is not in Toronto. Maybe the answer isn’t even in Canada. I may very well never leave Toronto, and I would honestly be OK with that…but for the first time in a long time, I am open to the possibility of big change. The kind of change that usually sends me running towards a giant bottle of red wine and ignoring it all together. Or maybe I have just been watching too many day time talk shows that keep telling me “Yes I can”.