Sometimes, you are on top of the world. Sometimes, you are at your lowest. And sometimes, you are just in a rut.
I’ve moved beyond my “whoa is me” stage and am just kind of chilling in this “whatever” zone. Personally, I think that ruts are sometimes the worst place to be. You aren’t at the top of your preverbal game and you aren’t at the bottom, doing everything you can to stay afloat. You are at this complacent point where things sort of just happen around you, but you aren’t really making things happen for you.
Now, when I speak of my rut, I do not mean my search for employment. I am using every resource and looking in every nook and cranny to find work. I think that this is some of my problem. All of my time and energy is going into trying to find work and cultivate a new career, that I have somewhat let “me” fall to the back burner. I love clothes and I love cosmetics, but lately, I have been loving them from a far. More often than not, I can’t be bothered putting on makeup. My hair? Umm… I guess I will just let it dry on its own and then put it up. Clothes? Do PJ’s and yoga pants count? I have not coloured my hair in over two months – not even the roots (if you know me, that is basically an eternity without even the slightest touch-up). In the summer, I cut my hair into a chic chin length bob, which has now grown out and is grazing my collar bone – the perfect length it get stuck in anything with a collar. I can’t remember the last time my hair came in contact with a styling tool – even a dryer (that being said, my hair has packed on some serious shine & softness due to zero heat damage). I would be lying if I said that I have let myself go completely. I still do hair masques, maintain a fantastic skin care routine and exercise (almost) daily. I have just lost the desire to go that little extra mile that makes someone look and feel like their best self.
Don’t even get me started on dating. Oh child, the thought of going on a date just makes me want to hibernate . You want me to look super cute, feel super cute and act super cute? Whoa! Easy there. Let me work on one cute at a time. Thankfully, I have heard that acknowledging that you are in a rut is half the battle. So, with that in mind, I think I need an overhaul. I need to get back to the things I used to do when I was employed and dating and every outing was a chance to stalker-stare at cute guys. I need a hair cut and colour STAT! Maybe a length I have never tried, or a colour I was always too scared to experiment with (although…I think I have kind of run the gamete there). I need a manicure. I used to love getting shellac done (even if it did ruin my nails a bit….it just looks soooo good). I need to get a wax – of the eyebrow variety (momma never lets the other run wild). I need to put the ‘Groove’ in Stella Got Her Groove Back. 2014 is the year of bringing sexy back.