Ellen kills as the Oscar host. Pizza sales rise 120%.
Jennifer Lawrence falls before the awards instead of during them and it costs her the Oscar
Harrison Ford continues to bring his zany brand of “I hate everything and everyone”
Kim Novak takes the stage and everyone is instructed to save the woman and children first.
Impromptu singing should be left to Glee
Angela Lansbury’s face comes on screen and my dog starts getting frisky with his pillow. Coincidence? I think not…
God has yet to answer my prayers, because U2 has still not retired.
John Travolta has a case of the Juan Pablo’s and decides to rename Idina Menzel, Adel Tazeem. Close enough?
Adel Tazeem sings “Let it Go” from Frozen and it sounds….terrible.
My dog threatens to commit suicide if I don’t mute the TV.
I can’t find the remote control so we plan a murder-suicide pact.
The song ends and Bosco and I live another day.
Turns out the Spike Jonze is white
David Wooderson wins Best Actor.
“All right, all right, all right”
Jordan Catalano wins Best Supporting Actor
Cate Blanchett wins for Best Actress…but let’s be honest, she could do a remake of Crossroads and still take home that statue.
People begin rioting in the streets for the 5 minutes Twitter is down
12 Years A Slave wins best picture
The real winner or the night is Botox