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Highlights From The 2014 Academy Awards

Ellen kills as the Oscar host. Pizza sales rise 120%.

Jennifer Lawrence falls before the awards instead of during them and it costs her the Oscar

Lupita Nyong’o wins for Best Supporting Actress and encourages us to live our dreams
lupita

Harrison Ford continues to bring his zany brand of “I hate everything and everyone”

photo (4)

Kim Novak takes the stage and everyone is instructed to save the woman and children first.

scary

Impromptu singing should be left to Glee

photo (3)

Angela Lansbury’s face comes on screen and my dog starts getting frisky with his pillow. Coincidence? I think not…

God has yet to answer my prayers, because U2 has still not retired.

Bill Murray comes back from the dead to attend the Oscars
billmurray-oscars

John Travolta has a case of the Juan Pablo’s and decides to rename Idina Menzel, Adel Tazeem. Close enough?

Adel Tazeem sings “Let it Go” from Frozen and it sounds….terrible.
My dog threatens to commit suicide if I don’t mute the TV.
I can’t find the remote control so we plan a murder-suicide pact.
The song ends and Bosco and I live another day.

Turns out the Spike Jonze is white

David Wooderson wins Best Actor.
“All right, all right, all right”

Jordan Catalano wins Best Supporting Actor

Cate Blanchett wins for Best Actress…but let’s be honest,  she could do a remake of Crossroads and still take home that statue.

Ellen takes the ‘selfie heard ’round the world’ and Twitter breaks down
ellen selfie

People begin rioting in the streets for the 5 minutes Twitter is down

12 Years A Slave wins best picture

The real winner or the night is Botox

The end

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