Holy procrastination, Batman. Last week was busy and crummy and cold-induced. I just couldn’t pull myself together to write (except for work. So.Much.Work last week). Alas, here we are. At least this is coming out before a new episode. That’s something, right?
Ok, let me start off by saying that I had to Google which season of the Bachelor we currently find ourselves in. Since I am not an avid watcher (I prefer The Bachelorette…..because hot guys), I couldn’t remember how long it had been since Juan-a-thon mumbled his way into our nightmares.
Anyway, it’s season 20.
This thing has been on since 2002.
I was in my final year of high school when this gem premiered.
I did watch the very first season though. The only thing I remember, was on one of the “overnight” dates, the bachelor at the time asked the chick if she was “ready to get horizontal”…. and there my idea of what romance is was born.
So, the Bach is back and Ben H. is all kinds of cute. Definite bonus points for also seeming like a genuinely nice guy (which can be incredibly hard to find these days). That being said, I can’t help but wonder ‘what is up with this guy that he wants to be married SO badly at only 26?’ Which also leads to the issue that most of the girls this season are 22-24, and that seems crazy young to commit yourself to another human being FOREVER (or at least until the divorce kicks in). When I was in my early-mid 20’s, marriage was nowhere on my radar. I’m 30 now and it’s still not the number one thing on my list. Nevertheless, these girls are in it to win it and Ben is trying to prove to himself that he is in fact loveable (am I the only one that finds him questioning his loveable status more ick than aw?).
My problem with this season, is that all this niceness is kind of boring to watch. Sure, we can rely on girls getting “crazy”…. but if I wanted to watch a girl get drunk and cry, I’d whip out a mirror on any given Friday night after
chugging lightly sipping some dark & stormies and realizing that I have run out of Jalapeño Cheddar popcorn.
I dunno. Maybe I am a psycho, but I am having a hard time moving on from Juan Pablo. He made me want to scratch out both our eyeballs, but kept me coming back for more. All I can say, is that these chicks better bring their drunk/emotional/bitchy/incoherent A-games to this season.
In my eyes, the limo arrivals are the best and worst part of the first episode. I like being able to pick my favourites, while simultaneously singling out the women who I know will eventually leave me loathing my own gender. The worst part of the arrivals? Some of those God-awful introductions. Transferred embarrassment is a thing …. and I feel it so hard for some of these chicks. Granted, I would probably say something sarcastic and awkwardly shake his hand instead of give him a hug … but I like to think that my inability to tackle dating life like a normal human being is part of my charm. Since this episode was relatively ho-hum, I am just going to go ahead and call my top four ladies. They are in no particular order and not even necessarily my favourites … just the ones I think that Ben will keep around for at least half the season.
#1 Amanda: 25 – Esthetician
Amanda is young (but not too young), cute, blonde and speaks with a baby voice (which apparently dudes really dig? Sorry any guy who has ever dated me). They seemed to have a nice, easy-flowing conversation during the brief one-on-ones. Also, Ben being the nice guy that he is, doesn’t seem freaked out by the fact that she already has two kids (seriously, though … when did this chick get started?!?!). I see her being top 3 material. I am willing to take bets.
#2 Lace: 25 – Real Estate Broker
I think it is safe to say that Lace is on here for the entertainment value she brings. Maybe she is a great person. Maybe she is super intelligent. Maybe her friends need to tell her that she is a lousy drunk. All of that is neither here nor there. I need Lace to make at least top 5, because her emotional outbursts are topnotch. Don’t get me wrong – this is not me drunk shaming her. I am so tired of people drunk shaming. Get over it. People drink. People get drunk. You are probably guilty of it every weekend. What I find endearing about her, is how she is acting like they are already a couple. She’s gone into full-on jealously mode in mere hours. While I sympathize, in that there is nothing more infuriating than being with a guy and not knowing where you stand, The Bachelor is a whole other ball game. This isn’t a “I’m stalking his social media, trying to figure out who Tiffany Likes-alot is”. You are willingly walking into a situation where you are competing with 27 other chicks for the same dude. If you are only on the show to get your 15 minutes – carry on with your crazy self. If you truly want to get Benny with it, slow your roll. No guy likes to admit that he actually really likes crazy … especially not on national television.
#3 Olivia: 23 – News Anchor
She won the first impression rose, which I totally called halfway through the episode. I am pretty good at spotting who will make the best first impression. I say this based on calling it in this episode and calling it in the last season of The Bachelorette. In my world, this makes me an expert in all things Bachelor/Bachelorette. Anyway, she is gorgeous, tall and all kinds of blonde. She is a news anchor, so there could be a part of her that is using this opportunity to further her career – and I am totally ok with that. In fact, I am going to enjoy watching her, trying to figure out her true motives. I’ll use the detective skills, which I have picked up from obsessively watching Dateline, to figure out what this chick is all about. Olivia is only 23, so I am not sure how she could be ready for marriage … yet, here we are. According to the previews for this season, at some point she tells Ben that she is in love with him, so my guess is that she makes is preeeeeetty far.
#4 Caila: 24 – Software Sales Rep
She’s a software sales rep, he’s a software sales rep. The rest is history, perhaps. Maybe it’s her blind optimism or maybe it’s her perky laugh, but there is something about this girl that I find myself getting behind. This girl loves Fall, meets guys at Starbucks and wants to have three children to properly fill out a 5-seater car. I think she’s what the cool kids would call a #BasicBitch. That being said, I stand behind the philosophy that we are all #BasicBitches. For life.
That’s all for now. See you Bach loving crazies on the flippy flop!